Why You Need To Give Yourself Permission To Be A Beginner, & How To Start

March 17, 2025

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By Skylar Hunyadi

Failure is often perceived negatively, but research actually shows that it can be a catalyst for long-term growth. In February, I dove into new hobbies and experiences that inevitably included a few flops. But ultimately, these moments were essential to my growth, teaching me valuable lessons and pushing me outside my comfort zone. From these flops, I started to embrace the concept of “failing forward.” The idea is that welcoming, rather than avoiding, failure is essential to the growth process. It is a distinct shift in mindset away from perfectionism and toward normalizing failure.

For whatever societally-driven reason, we often expect quick, easy success. And when we don’t get that, this perceived failure can lead to thinking traps like all-or-nothing thinking (i.e., I suck at this, so I will always suck at this). Social media is a likely culprit, only showing the curated outcome versus the hard-earned process. I think of my hesitation to dive into fiber arts after binge-scrolling crochet and knitting accounts because it looked too hard, and I knew moments of failure would be inevitable. According to a Psychology Today article on the culture of failure, Western culture teaches us to perceive failure as the result of a personal character flaw rather than to view it as an opportunity for growth, such as in many East Asian cultures. In other words, failure can be a threat to our self-esteem. 

American psychologist Carol Dweck developed a theory that attempts to reframe failure as something that nurtures progress. The growth mindset theory suggests intelligence, skill-building, and overall personal growth can be developed through practice and persistence. This is similar to the idea of failing forward, learning from one’s mistakes and using them as stepping stones rather than barriers. For example, this year, I submitted my first poem to a literary magazine, and it was rejected — certainly a chip to my self-esteem, but also an opportunity to reflect and improve my submission strategy. 

Within the growth mindset is the willingness to be a beginner and the initial discomfort that comes with it. I recently took up cross-country skiing again after years of only going out maybe once a season, each time feeling the intense frustration that comes with being out of practice. My most recent attempt ended in eight spectacular falls (I counted), each punctuated with a series of expletives and comically loud huffs and puffs. I’ve been cross-country skiing since I was a child, but this particular winter sport, albeit pretty chill, is not just muscle memory. With that said, I cushioned these falls with some serious pep talks — particularly hyping myself up as I figured out how to get up again. In these moments, I embraced adventure and learning, rather than throwing in the proverbial towel and retreating to the comfort of the indoors. 

To fail forward (in this case, literally falling forward at times), I had to exercise a sense of psychological resilience. According to a Forbes article, psychological resilience is “the ability to adapt to challenging life events and stressful situations. It allows you to navigate difficulties with a positive outlook. Resilient individuals can overcome failures, setbacks and obstacles and view these impediments as temporary rather than permanent.” This directly echoes the sentiments of failing forward: adaptation is key.

And in the spirit of trying completely new things, I recently started junk journaling. This hobby is just a rebrand of scrapbooking but without the element of perfection. It’s an activity in which recycled and decorative materials are creatively used to preserve memories and themes in various “spreads.” I have a close friend with an incredible eye for piecing together “junk” (receipts, business cards, pamphlets) and turning them into beautiful spreads. Intrigued by this new hobby, but worried it would churn out literal junk, my friend graciously hosted a junk journaling date, getting me over the initial hump of being a beginner. I’ve since attempted a few spreads of my own; some are better than others, but the process feels more comfortable with each attempt.  

Welcoming imperfection and even expecting it propels growth and can lead to unexpected personal insights. At the beginning of March, I finished an online essay-writing class through a local writing center, something I’ve wanted to do but hesitated due to fear of receiving criticism or not meshing with other writers. On the other side of those five weeks, I’ve gained invaluable feedback on my writing, a new writing friend, and the confidence to enter more creative spaces. Throughout this experience, I recalled the words: lean into discomfort. Because if we don’t, we risk stagnation. 

This mindset sounds easy in theory, but in practice, failing forward looks something like this: 

1. Reframing failure as feedback. Try not to over-personalize it. 

2. Celebrating milestones and mistakes. Your effort is something to be acknowledged. 

3. Curating a compassionate environment. Lean into your supports. 

Number three was essential to me as I pursued the online writing class. I called upon my friends to read my work and talk through awkward moments and confusing peer feedback. This supportive measure reduced my ever-looming negative self-talk. In education, compassion is often used as a classroom management tool to encourage resilience. As adults, learning a new skill or stepping into a new experience is not so different from our days in the classroom. Surrounding ourselves with support and compassion is essential to failing forward. 

*****

The cheesy classroom posters were right: failure is part of the journey. Reflecting on my 20s, I think about everything I didn’t do out of fear, from hobbies to big life changes. Now that I am 30, I’m redefining my relationship with fear, embracing the process of failing forward and welcoming being a beginner. 

For more from Sky, join her on Substack! Subscribe here to receive her personal essays and poetry right to your inbox. This newsletter is a cozy corner of self care, reflections, and other small pleasures. All are welcome <3

Skylar is a licensed clinical mental health counselor who talks about self-care as the foundation of a prosperous life. She has a deep love for yoga, vegetarian cooking, and religiously organizing her Google calendar. Follow her on Instagram for more self-care and mental health content or on LinkedIn for the more ~professional~ stuff.

Welcome to our weekly series, Ask A Financial Advisor with Kellen Thayer of ​Advisor.com​! Dozens of members of the TFD community love and trust Advisor to help them on financial journeys. Get $500 off your first year with Advisor by signing up through TFD! ​Click here​ to take our short quiz and schedule a FREE consultation call with Advisor today and never make another financial decision alone!

Q: I am single and child-free by choice, and I want to ensure I’m all set financially until the end of my life—how would I go about setting myself up for life insurance?

A: Life insurance is primarily designed to replace income or cover debts for dependents. Since you’re single and child-free, you may not need a large policy. Instead, focus on ensuring you’re financially self-sufficient.

Start by building a robust emergency fund (at least 6–12 months of living expenses) and investing for retirement. Max out your employer-sponsored 401(k) or IRA contributions, and consider a Health Savings Account (HSA) if you’re eligible. These accounts can grow tax-free and help you cover medical expenses later in life.

Consider what you would want the policy to cover. Would it just be needed to cover funeral costs or are you looking to leave a legacy? Working with a financial advisor can help ensure your plan aligns with your specific goals.

Get $500 off your first year with Advisor by signing up through TFD! ​Click here​ to take our short quiz and schedule a FREE consultation call with Advisor today and never make another financial decision alone!

Advisor.com provides clients with a top notch advising team for a fixed, flat annual fee. Their team of advisors work for you, not commissions, and help you to achieve your smart financial goals through planning, investing, and more.

About Kellen Thayer

Kellen has dedicated his career to helping clients achieve their financial goals through comprehensive financial planning and wealth management. He holds an MBA with a concentration in Finance from the University of Pittsburgh. Before joining Advisor Wealth Management, Kellen worked as an investment advisor at Goldman Sachs partnering with clients with $25mm plus in investable assets and later advised high-net-worth clients at Raymond James. His expertise spans a wide range of financial strategies, always with a focus on empowering clients from all backgrounds to build and sustain their wealth.

I recently realized I never watched the third season of Heartstopper on Netflix, probably because it came out right around the election and I was distracted (lol). I recently watched and just loved it, maybe even more than the previous seasons — it handled some pretty dark topics (content warning for eating disorders/mental health) but was still so wholesome and hopeful. I immediately started rewatching the entire series again, because I've just needed to have something happy and hopeful to take my mind off things.

I just bought my second pair of Vessi sneakers because I am obsessed. They are comfy and completely waterproof — perfect for an upcoming trip to possibly very rainy northern England! Fair warning that they take a minute to break in, but trust the process even if they feel a bit tight at first.

I splurged on some pajamas from Printfresh a few months ago and I am in LOVE. I bought them a size up from my usual so they would be extra roomy/comfy, which I definitely recommend. They are by far the priciest loungewear I've ever purchased, but considering how much I've been wearing them and how good the quality is, I definitely think they are worth it.

We recently had the privilege of interviewing the inimitable journalist David Sirota on last month's video essay, and I have since been listening to his podcast Master Plan and become a premium subscriber to The Lever. In a time where so much of the news isn't digging hard enough into the actual issues (especially with disappointing developments, like MSNBC firing Joy Ann Reid), his work dives into the dark side of government, even from our supposed "good guys," and makes me feel genuinely less crazy. There is also a weekly positive news roundup for paying members that makes the membership feel worth it to me.

I am getting back into the habit of writing "morning pages" with the site 750 Words, and I'm loving it! There are membership options, but the basic version is free to use. It analyzes your entries every day based on tone and content, giving you an analytical breakdown of where your brain is at that day. As an earth sign, I can't tell you how much this speaks to me. 

✨Join us for our next Society workshop, Your Money Under Trump, on March 31st, hosted by friend of TFD and investing expert, Amanda Holden! This event will cover investing strategy, “ethical” investing, understanding investment markets, as well as social security and financial planning, specifically in these chaotic times. Amanda will answer all of your biggest questions including: Should you invest right now?, How should your portfolio be positioned?, What else can you do to protect yourself financially?, What is going on with Social Security?, How can we use personal privilege and power to build something better for all? and more! Join The Society Premium to register!

🎙️Make sure to check out our latest podcast capsule series, LOVE IS BLIND, BUT MONEY TALKS. This 5-part series is co-hosted by Holly & TFD’s Content & Production Manager (and overall amazing person), Alexa. The first 4 episodes are now available for Society Premium members! In this series they’re deep diving into Love Is Blind season 8 as well as previous seasons, who we adored, who we may need to warm up to, why money and political conversations should be featured more in (and out of!) the pods, and how the show has proven that love really isn’t blind. The final episode drops this Friday!

📉Check out a personal, impromptu message from Chelsea about the current political chaos and her thoughts on the recent headlines about a potential recession over on our YouTube channel. This candid video, it’s lowkey giving recession, i fear is a must watch!

🎥 ICYMI: Make sure to also check out our latest video essay, It's Not Left Or Right, It's Up Or Down. This video is a deep dive into why Americans are obsessed with rich people including how its taking over our government and impacting our day-to-day lives. It’s another banger! And a reminder that $4.99 and up members of the ​Society at TFD​ get an ad-free extended version!

🎬And in company news, we’re thrilled to share a new YouTube series we’re ~producing~ with our friends at Edelman Financial Engines. The series, Ask The Planners, is exciting for us because it’s the first time we’re in producer-mode for a brand other than ourselves, and we’re thrilled to be working with them on it! With the new year in full swing, we know financial goals are top of mind. But are you setting yourself up properly? This series is packed with expert insights from their financial planners to help you build a solid financial future. New episodes drop every Thursday! We’d love if you would check it out.

🎥And don’t forget to check out our latest YouTube capsule series, Asked & Answered, cohosted by Chelsea & Erin Lowry of Broke Millennial. This is a 6-part series dedicated to answering your personal money questions, from budgeting and investing basics, to navigating the financial headlines of our current political climate. , The first 3 episodes are already available to watch on YouTube, with new episodes dropping on Sundays!

The Society at TFD is our members-only community with access available on both YouTube and Patreon. Joining The Society is the best way to directly support TFD! The Society offers the exact same things on both platforms, so choose whichever one you prefer!

We offer 3 tier options:

The Society at TFD Lite: $2.99/month

• Monthly office hours with Chelsea to chat and get your personal questions answered

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The Society at TFD: $4.99/month — includes everything in the $2.99 tier plus:

• Monthly ad-free extended director's cut videos from Chelsea

• Exclusive members-only events and workshops

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The Society Premium: $9.99/month — includes everything from the previous tiers plus:

• Weekly newsletter from Chelsea

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