Why We’re So Triggered By Messy White Women

If there is one thing that media teaches us, at least in America, it’s how different our standards are for men and women. On one hand, male characters who are philanderers, abusers, and straight-up murderers become beloved anti-heroes. Even if they are hated for some of their actions — even Walter White or Don Draper’s most ardent fans have to concede their occasional flops — they are almost always viewed through a lens of forgiveness. They are complicated, and part of what makes them so beloved is how we see that complication reflected back in our own lives and experiences. Tony Soprano may have murdered people, but he was also in therapy, guys! Just like me!

Female characters, however, are often sentenced to fictional banishment for the most minor infractions. These women are annoying, messy in their vulnerability and cringe in their anxious attachment. They want too much, they make too many mistakes, and they too often show up at their situationship’s apartment with McDonald’s and a beret. There are entire cottage industries dedicated to picking apart female characters, and all but the most perfect are deemed “unlikeable,” an adjective almost unilaterally leveraged against women.

In modern TV, there is a specific type of woman — the messy, chaotic white woman — who has managed a kind of cultural chokehold, a perennial fascination. We love them, we hate them, we judge them for things we would never care if a man did. Even the way these women intersect with class is a losing battle, from scraping out of poverty on Shameless to having a closet full of shoes and no money for a down payment on Sex and the City. Women are expected to perform glamour and ease, but also to reach such stability in the “right” ways. Earning millions via manufacturing and dealing meth is one thing, getting money by asking a man is quite another.

In this month’s TFD video essay, iconic YouTuber and dear friend Princess Weekes has taken over our channel to explore the phenomenon in depth. What makes a character likable? What kind of stories (and women) deserve happy endings? Why are we so triggered by a certain type of woman’s behavior, and what does it say about our own lives? And, of course, how does money fit into all this? Is messiness more palatable if it comes with an expense account?

I’m thrilled to have Princess stewarding our channel this month, and to be talking about something I’ve had on my mind for some time (as I fear I may occasionally be guilty of the same kind of reflexive judgments). Please go watch the video in its entirety, and if you’re not, subscribe to Princess’ channel as well!

See you guys next month,
Chelsea