Hello and welcome to The Financial Diet's weekly newsletter!

A reminder that this week is our monthly Society workshop! Join Kara Perez, financial educator and author of Money For Change: How to Reduce Waste, Build Wealth, and Create a Better Future for All, as she leads us in Building Your Social Life From Scratch — a practical guide to actually building the community and village you deserve. Be sure to visit our Patreon to get access and register (open to all members of the $4.99 and up tiers!), and join us live on May 28th or watch the recording later!

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❤ TFD

During a recent period of personal upheaval, I was overwhelmed — in the best way — by how many people showed up for me. What surprised me most, however, was how uncomfortable it felt to receive that support. Many women, myself included, pride themselves on their independence as they navigate difficult transitions.

The myth that hyper-self-sufficiency = success is alive and well.

In the past few months, I’ve had to confront internalized beliefs that equated needing help with failure or regression. But I’ve come to understand that hyper-independence carries real risk — emotionally, yes, but also financially.

In the chaos of a breakup, I remember saying to a friend, I really don’t want to have to buy him moving boxes. Without hesitation, she told me she would drop off her accumulated HelloFresh boxes the next day. A small gesture, but it was one less expense added to an already strained budget. And it didn’t stop there. As I rebuilt my household, friends and family helped fill the gaps: a microwave, a router, a vacuum, and small essentials that would have otherwise compounded financial stress. I was simultaneously grieving a relationship, reorganizing my life, and absorbing the financial realities of becoming the sole provider.

Looking back, I can see how my tendency to refuse help negatively affected me. Pride disguised itself as hyper-responsibility, but avoidance of support only increased my stress.

We know that chronic stress reduces decision-making capacity, especially when it comes to money. When the nervous system is overloaded, short-term survival thinking takes over: impulse spending for relief, avoidance of financial planning, overworking to compensate, or delaying decisions altogether. In therapy terms, a dysregulated nervous system fuels a scarcity mindset — one that makes resources feel limited even when support is available.

So while independence is often framed as a financial strength, community may be one of the most underrated forms of financial stability.

And your community can provide both tangible and intangible aid. For example, in an effort to refresh my space, my friends enthusiastically offered to paint my apartment (a task I despise and would almost certainly pay someone to do). This type of help could also mean rallying to deep-clean your space instead of paying a service.

A more formal example of this is the concept of a “Single Shower.” I truly can’t remember if this idea seeped into my subconscious from an Instagram reel or if I am ~coining~ something new. A Single Shower is essentially a party, similar to a bridal or baby shower, where you celebrate yourself in all your single glory. It’s an opportunity for friends and loved ones to express support through celebration and personal gifts that help you establish or rebuild. For those who don’t hit the societally expected milestones, there is rarely a registry or shared celebration to mark leaving a relationship or not being interested in one at all. It reframes independence in harmony with community.

Feeling uncomfortable?

Same. This mindset is the exact opposite of what many of us were taught. In a highly individualistic culture, there is shame attached to needing help. Independence is praised, self-sufficiency is romanticized, and reliance on others can feel like failure rather than a sign of connection. In my own story, I’m sure my identity as a therapist and helper played a role in my initial resistance to receiving help. When you are used to being the one others lean on, learning to lean back can feel big-time uncomfy. And let’s layer in gender roles that reward women for emotional labor, and it becomes even easier to confuse strength with doing everything alone. Gotta love being a woman.

So, to review:

And on a deeper level, allowing others to show up for you creates a sense of belonging, something we all need. Interpersonally, accepting help can rewrite attachment narratives and increase our capacity for lasting connection. Oh, and let’s add in the rising cost of living — that alone makes community care not just meaningful, but necessary.

Whether you are on the giving or receiving end of community care, helping and being helped are integral to existence. Relational care is self-care. We are hardwired to rely on others for safety and comfort. Independence was never meant to mean isolation.

It truly takes a village: be part of one.

For more from Sky, join her on Substack! Subscribe to receive her personal essays straight to your inbox. Here’s her latest post. This newsletter is a cozy corner of self-care, honest reflections, and small everyday pleasures. All are welcome 🤍

Skylar is a licensed clinical mental health counselor who believes self-care is the foundation of a prosperous life. She’s a chaotic collager, a proud cat mom of three, and in a codependent relationship with her Google Calendar. ​Follow her on Instagram for self-care and mental health musings, or connect on LinkedIn for the more ~professional~ stuff.

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