They'll Tell You To Fade Away. Don't Listen To Them.

February 18, 2025

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Before we dive into Chelsea's essay, she wanted to share her book club, which she'll be running all year. Chelsea is publishing two books in 2025 — an enemies-to-lovers romance novel, and a guide to hosting and entertaining in the home — and is looking for early readers, book club hosts, and guests to join her tour events! If you're interested in one or both books, just fill out the form!

By Chelsea Fagan

I had a bit of a personal revelation when I turned thirty-six years old last month. As someone officially in the latter half of her thirties, it's become clear that I'm entering the make it or break it years. I've lived long enough — and importantly, long enough as an autonomous adult — to largely know what I'm doing. I have enough money to take risks, and try new things. I am privileged enough to have a solid support system, personally and professionally. This is the time at which we can slide into complacency, or leverage all those advantages and accumulated wisdom to propel into something we couldn't have dreamed of in our twenties.

Like many women of my generation, older female role models who were genuinely living their best lives as they aged were thin on the ground. Yes, there would sometimes be a woman who was dazzling and dynamic in her fifties, sixties, and beyond, who followed her dreams and never apologized for taking up space. But for every one of those, there were likely many more — both in our own lives, and in the media — who were simply worn down. Sometimes this was financial, the relentless pressure of scraping by preventing them from doing nearly anything else. But there were also likely many women who had the means to do more, to be more, but felt that past a certain age they no longer had permission. They wore clothes that obscured them, lost contact with their bodies, denied themselves the adventures they coveted, and lived vastly more for their husbands or children than for themselves. 

I know so many women like this, women who look wistfully at things they could easily try and think "must be nice," or who shoot a cutting glance at any woman in her age bracket who dares to wear something that attracts attention. I know, too, that this is usually not their fault: especially for their generations, a woman plunging herself entirely into domestic duty past a certain age was a blanket expectation. They were treated as forgettable, unattractive, and more a support system for the families that relied on their silent labor than their own individual person. Sometimes I cry when I think of the women of my family who shunted into lives they likely never would have chosen, paired off with men who never appreciated them, and faded into obscurity well before their time.

Heading into middle age, and living in a deeply sexist and ageist society, I know that these are the years which set the tone. We can choose to become more daring, to try more new things, to be visible and unapologetic. We can become more in touch with our body, and find ever new ways to feel great in it. Silly as it may sound, even the digital spaces I inhabit have begun to feel slightly revolutionary in my own life: I'm over a decade older than the average TikTok user, for example, but I love the platform and make no apologies about being visible and active on it. Do I get the occasional ageist comment? Sure! But anyone who would say such a thing has automatically disqualified themselves from being an opinion I consider, so who cares?

I've also been reminding myself that while misogyny absolutely sharpens the ageism of our society, our dismissal of anyone past a certain age is still a reality that doesn't discriminate. As I get older, I'm increasingly militant about seeking out people who defied perception of what we can or can't do at a given age. I was recently thrilled by learning that one of the actors in Conclave only started acting in his fifties after a thirty-year career as an architect, having decided to take online acting classes during the pandemic (!!). It's not just that these stories reset our expectations about what is possible, they remind us that life is not exclusively over when we die -- it's over when we stop allowing ourselves to dream. 

This year, I'm publishing two more books: an enemies-to-lovers romance novel (which is significantly more spicy than my first, because I won't be a thirty-six year old woman afraid of owning female sexuality!), and a comprehensive guide to hosting in your home. I'm once again doing both self- and traditional publishing, and will again break down the finances fully on both fronts. We've started creating much more explicitly political content on our YouTube and social channels, and though it's cost us some Trump-loving subscribers (bye, bitch!), it's also opened us up to many new viewers and strengthened our community. I'm on a health journey which I'll be writing more about as the year progresses, and allowing myself to wear much more daring clothing than I normally would along the way. I've been relentlessly sliding into the DMs of women I respect and admire online, and have met (almost) all friendly responses. But I've also accepted that some people won't be receptive, and that's okay -- more importantly, it's no reason not to put yourself out there.

Thirty-six felt like a very significant birthday to me, for reasons I'm only beginning to unpack. But it's a line I want to draw in the sand, an age at which I will no longer let pointless fears and anxieties hold me back from anything I want, or let potential failure rob me of the beauty of trying. I am still young by almost any measure, but I'm old enough to know better, and old enough to understand that if I don't go out of my way to assert my own destiny, the world is no longer going to open doors for me on the basis of youth alone. As I reach the age where women begin to be discarded and forgotten, I will insist on being known and seen for who I am. 

My life will be an adventure, it will be on my own terms, and I will continue to surprise myself with the person I am capable of becoming. I will never be the woman who looks longingly or resentfully at others who dare to put themselves out there, who stands in her own way of joy and pleasure and freedom. I'm lucky enough, for better or worse, to have been born in a time where much more was possible for me as a woman than was for my ancestors: it would be a sin to waste a single moment of it. 

Welcome to our weekly series, Ask A Financial Advisor with Kellen Thayer of ​Advisor.com​! Dozens of members of the TFD community love and trust Advisor to help them on financial journeys. Get $500 off your first year with Advisor by signing up through TFD! ​Click here​ to take our short quiz and schedule a FREE consultation call with Advisor today and never make another financial decision alone!

Q: How do I go about finding a financial advisor and knowing they are the “right” one?

A: Finding the right financial advisor is a crucial step in managing your financial future, and it’s important to approach this decision thoughtfully.  Here’s what to look for:

1. Define Your Needs First: Before searching for an advisor, understand what you need help with—whether it’s budgeting, saving for retirement, tax planning, or investment strategies. Advisors often specialize in specific areas, so knowing your goals will help you find someone whose expertise aligns with your needs.

2. Focus on Compatibility and Communication Style: A great financial advisor doesn’t just offer expertise; they’re someone you feel comfortable discussing your financial life with. During your initial meeting, assess their communication style. Do they explain concepts clearly? Are they good listeners? You’ll be working closely with this person, so a good rapport is essential.

3. Verify Their Fiduciary Commitment: Choose an advisor who acts as a fiduciary, meaning they’re legally obligated to put your interests first. Fiduciary advisors won’t push products or strategies that earn them commissions but instead provide unbiased advice tailored to your goals. Always ask if they follow a fiduciary standard and request this in writing for peace of mind.

4. Education and Training: Look for advisors with relevant education in finance, economics, accounting, or business. Many advisors have degrees in these areas or have completed advanced financial training programs. Continuing education is also important, as it shows they are committed to staying current with industry trends and regulatory changes.

5. Understand Their Fee Structure: Transparency in fees is critical. Look for advisors who offer flat fees or hourly rates, as these structures often eliminate conflicts of interest. Steer clear of advisors whose earnings depend on selling products or charging a percentage of your assets, as this may not align with your best interests. Don’t hesitate to ask for a detailed breakdown of costs before committing.

6. Look for Social Proof: Online reviews and client testimonials can provide insight into an advisor’s reliability and effectiveness. Be sure to ask potential advisors about the kinds of clients they typically work with—this can help you determine if they understand your unique needs.

7. Registration and Licensing: While certain certifications are optional, advisors should always be registered with the relevant regulatory authorities. In the U.S., financial advisors typically need to register with the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) or their state’s securities regulator. You can verify an advisor’s credentials through FINRA’s BrokerCheck or the SEC’s Investment Adviser Public Disclosure (IAPD) website.
   

Get $500 off your first year with Advisor by signing up through TFD! ​Click here​ to take our short quiz and schedule a FREE consultation call with Advisor today and never make another financial decision alone!

Advisor.com provides clients with a top notch advising team for a fixed, flat annual fee. Their team of advisors work for you, not commissions, and help you to achieve your smart financial goals through planning, investing, and more.

About Kellen Thayer

Kellen has dedicated his career to helping clients achieve their financial goals through comprehensive financial planning and wealth management. He holds an MBA with a concentration in Finance from the University of Pittsburgh. Before joining Advisor Wealth Management, Kellen worked as an investment advisor at Goldman Sachs partnering with clients with $25mm plus in investable assets and later advised high-net-worth clients at Raymond James. His expertise spans a wide range of financial strategies, always with a focus on empowering clients from all backgrounds to build and sustain their wealth.

Last year I bought the Big Baggu reusable bag for $18 to use when I go grocery shopping. A year later, I’m still so glad I purchased one. It's insanely spacious, holds up to 50 lbs., and folds up super tiny so I just keep it in my regular bag to always have if needed. Also tons of cute patterns!

For any DIY nail girlies, this base and top coat by Seche Vite can’t be beat. I frequently get compliments on my nails :) and people ask me if they're gels, which they never are. The top coat is quick dry and very rarely chips at all.

I just binge watched the final season of one of my favorite shows, Valeria, on Netflix. It’s basically like the 2020s Spanish version of Sex & The City which is to say, even better. The male lead, Maxi Iglesias, also might be the best looking man on the planet?? and I am not one to exaggerate. Sort of sad the show came to an end but if you want a spicy, fun watch, give it a go.

Living in an 840 square foot apartment in NYC with a 4 year old requires plenty of thoughtful storage. The IKEA cube storage systems are still GOATed imo. We have the 16 cube piece in our son’s room that holds everything from his books and toys to his pajamas and off-season clothing. And in our very long, wide hallway we just traded out a sideboard cabinet for the 8 piece + 4 piece KALLAX units for additional storage.

🚨LAST CHANCE! FREE WORKSHOP! Join Chelsea & our friends from Advisor.com TOMORROW for The FIREside Chat. This mini masterclass will be a deep dive into what it really means to achieve financial independence (whether or not you plan to retire early). Chelsea & a financial advisor will share all the tools you need to reach financial freedom. This class will contain a 60-minute lesson followed by a 30-minute live Q&A all around the tangible steps towards financial independence. Click here to take our super short quiz and register.

🗳️And join us for our February members-only workshop,Voting With Your Dollars: How To Create Economic Change! Join Kara Perez, friend of TFD and sustainable money expert on February 27th for this very important and timely event! This workshop will cover aligning your value with your spending in a world that often seems to have no good choices. We'll cover topics like ethical spending and investing, mutual aid, and vetting corporations. Join The Society at the $4.99 or up tier to register.

🎥 ICYMI: Our January video essay, Tipping Culture Is Completely Broken is another banger! This video deep dives into the dark evolution of tipping culture in America. And a reminder that $4.99 and up members of the ​Society at TFD​ get an ad-free extended version!

🎬And in company news, we’re thrilled to announce a brand-new YouTube series we’re ~producing~ with our friends at Edelman Financial Engines. The series, Ask The Planners, is exciting for us because it’s the first time we’re in producer-mode for a brand other than ourselves, and we’re thrilled to be working with them on it! With the new year in full swing, we know financial goals are top of mind. But are you setting yourself up properly? This series is packed with expert insights from their financial planners to help you build a solid financial future. New episodes drop every Thursday! We’d love if you would check it out.

🇺🇸Chelsea also dropped 2 impromptu videos on the current chaotic state of American politics recently. Make sure to check out we need to have a serious conversation, and no ethical consumption under capitalism lol if you haven’t already.

✨Make sure to get your hands on our latest guidebook, Your Financial Emergency Plan. We put together this 15 page guidebook together to help you focus your energy on something practical and actionable during these chaotic times. As Holly states inside the guide, "taking care of each other starts with taking care of yourself. Hopefully, this guidebook gives you some of the tools to do just that." This is exclusively available for members of The Society Premium.

📚Don't miss out! We’re still offering exclusive access to an entirely new bonus chapter for those who have purchased our latest book, ​Beyond Getting By​. With the start of a new year, we know how much you all are reevaluating how you spend your money and time. Beyond Getting By is the perfect companion for retooling your relationship with money, your career, and your life in general, complete with dozens of pages of beautifully designed interactive exercises. In order to get access to “‘Working To Live’ In The Face Of Layoff Culture,” please share your proof of purchase with us by filling out ​this very short form​ — once you fill out the form, the bonus chapter will be automatically emailed to you.

The Society at TFD is our members-only community with access available on both YouTube and Patreon. Joining The Society is the best way to directly support TFD! The Society offers the exact same things on both platforms, so choose whichever one you prefer!

We offer 3 tier options:

The Society at TFD Lite: $2.99/month

• Monthly office hours with Chelsea to chat and get your personal questions answered

• Access to our monthly book club hosted by TFD Creative Director, Holly

• Illustrated tech backgrounds every month

• Access to Society Discord

The Society at TFD: $4.99/month — includes everything in the $2.99 tier plus:

• Monthly ad-free extended director's cut videos from Chelsea

• Exclusive members-only events and workshops

• Complete post archive (including exclusive members-only videos of Chelsea ranting on different topics)

The Society Premium: $9.99/month — includes everything from the previous tiers plus:

• Weekly newsletter from Chelsea

• Monthly multi-page workbook/guidebook on a different topic each month

• Members-only capsule podcasts