The Intimate Relationship Between Grief and Your Money

February 23, 2026

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Before we dive in, we wanted to share that our February video essay—exploring the likability of women on television—premieres tomorrow on our YouTube channel. We’re thrilled to have friend of TFD Princess Weekes taking over as host this month. Be sure to tune in!

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By Alexa Claire Brooks Major, TFD Content & Production Manager

As a lover without a lover, I think a lot about what it means to grieve. Not the cold body of another, not their death, but the absence of a warm one. As if there’s supposed to be an indent in the bed beside me when I wake, but there’s not. It’s grief for a truth I thought would be mine by now but only continues to evade. I also can’t pretend to be above comparison. The painfully frigid reminders of the financial setbacks I experienced in my early 20s come back roaring sometimes, especially when my college friends post about the major milestones they’re reaching while I’m only just getting back on my feet.

February seems to be a time of shedding rather than abundance for me. These 28 days should be a month of love and a time of celebration for my Blackness and yet, I tend to experience both the grief of what I wrote above and more friendship and romantic breakups than any other month (somebody read my birth chart please because what’s up with that?). The shadow of grief February casts gets heavy sometimes because it leaves me wondering, What else is absent in my life?

Whenever this cloud visits me, I try to stay curious — it’s the antidote to judgement and, therefore, shame. I retreat to my favorite quotes saved in Pinterest or my Notes app and my favorite podcasts in hopes of reading or hearing that one line that helps it all click. One of those saved podcasts featured Tracee Ellis Ross as a guest (gosh, I love that woman), and I was struck by how on the nose she was about grief. She speaks so beautifully about the grief she experiences at times about being a woman who hasn’t married and doesn’t have children. Rather than focus her energy into mourning that, though, she names it, claims it. She doesn’t let it define her or whatever “path” is set for her. I really admire that mindset and thought you would, too, especially as I’m seeing more DMs from our TFD audience with woes about what to do regarding their finances. More and more these messages are laced with shame and self-judgement. They often remind me of this video I posted on our feed.

Part of my job is to think constantly and creatively about what would appeal to the “TFD Woman,” especially since everything you see on our socials for the past year was either written or posted by me. So, naturally, I think about you all a lot. I often picture a group of fiercely protective women that occupy themselves with pursuing what is just — in big and small ways. Women that are radically joyful and beautifully opinionated. Women that practice bravery each and every day, whether that means calling out shitty politics, making a new friend, or opening their bank accounts after a particularly humbling season and getting to work on rebuilding. I think of women that are kind and caring, and genuinely want the best for those who have less than themselves and are willing to share to help. But I also think of women who are intimately aware of grief and rage. Especially when the world around them responds to it dismissively with, “Sorrows, sorrows. Prayers.”

I sense anger, but really, it's sadness around the fact that the life you’re living doesn’t feel like the one you were promised. The Y2K summery haze promising ease and prosperity has long since faded. “If only I’d started saving and investing in my early 20s, I’d be so much further ahead by now.” We hear it all the time. I certainly do in the DMs we receive. It’s what prompted me to record that video, and it’s part of why I felt prompted to write this. As I was feeling my own grief over certain parts of my life not coming to fruition (some will never happen, others…I’m holding space for them), I was thinking of you. The sheer number of comments and follows that video received across Instagram and YouTube Shorts told me that I’d hit a trigger point. I bet the whole “optimizing your 20s” rhetoric has resurfaced a few times (and will likely continue to) because the deeper the pain, the more often it’s likely to raise its ugly head and force you to busy yourself with letting it go.

A huge part of the work that lies in letting go is in naming this very simple fact: girlie, you were dealing with a lot of shit! 

No matter what identities you were juggling: oldest sister, family manager, the “successful one,” the “messed up one,” an ADHD diagnosis…maybe you were dealing with maladaptive behaviors to financial triggers because, at one point, those behaviors made you feel safe and steady. The point is, you were doing the best you could with what you had and with what you knew. Just because you didn’t start putting away $25 every day since you were 18 doesn’t mean you’re a failure. Life was lifing (and she high-key still is)!

You can get lost very quickly mourning for what you “could’ve” had or “should’ve” had if life had been even a little more fair. If your family had supported you. If you hadn’t been carrying wounds while everyone else seemed to be flying. If the world valued and celebrated your fullness instead of asking you to shrink or prove. You are not broken for feeling this way. You are human. Instead of pushing it down or turning it inward into shame, the answer to releasing it all is to look it in the eye. That’s courageous as hell. That’s a TFD Woman. She opens that bank account after a rough month (or two, or three…or four) and doesn’t get lost in berating herself over the coulda, shoulda, woulda’s. She says, “Okay, this is what I’m working with. This is what I’m recognizing it’s telling me. These are the tools I’ll need to get started. These are the people I can lean on to hold my hand.” And she presses “go.” Because you know what action begets? Confidence. The outrageously beautiful pursuit of hope and faith in your ability to make it happen.

These whirlwind financial stories about winning the lottery, inheriting a ton of money, making oodles of money are nice and all, but they are not the majority. Most are doing the work bit by bit. Weirdly comforting to hear said out loud, no? It may not look like it on social media, but I promise you, as the TFD team member who reviews (quite literally) hundreds of DMs, casting call submissions, etc., you are far from being alone. 

So, focus on yourselves. Be kind and compassionate towards how you got to where you are right now. Perhaps the money isn’t there or the love hasn’t revealed itself. Yes, that’s unsettling, and maybe even scary. Let’s own that together.

This Blackity Black month of love, I’m not going to measure what I lack anymore. I’m choosing to practice gratitude, extending myself grace, and remembering that I am lovable — with or without a certain dollar amount in my accounts, with or without someone to hold my hand.

Email me at [email protected]  if any of this resonates with you. I love hearing and engaging with you all. xoxo

MARCH 17TH: Join Chelsea along with some very special guests for How To Take Political Action 101 — Scrolling social media can leave us feeling angry, frustrated, or powerless—but it doesn’t have to stop there. Our hosts will share expert insights on how to take meaningful political action without feeling overwhelmed. This workshop will show you how to channel your energy into tangible steps, from local and national engagement to effective communication and sustainable involvement. You’ll leave with a practical toolkit for turning concern into real-world impact. This workshop is designed for anyone who wants to move from frustration to action—whether you’re new to political engagement or looking for ways to be more organized and effective.

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