The Good Husband Guide: 8 Things I Will Not Be Doing As A New Mom

November 10, 2025

Hi everyone!

In case you haven't seen, the Williams Sonoma book tour events have been such a success that we're adding five stops between now and Thanksgiving!

There are still tickets available for all except NYC (though we did add a NJ event if you're in the area and didn't snag yours), and don't forget that each event features free food, drinks, the signings and book themselves, plus plenty of fabulous community with like-minded divas (gender neutral)!

I can't wait to see you all back on the road!

And don’t forget to read through the entire newsletter so you don't miss anything! Thank you for being a part of this special little corner of the TFD community!

❤️ Chelsea

Welcome to The Good Husband Guide: a new series dedicated to building a marriage or romantic partnership that actually improves your life, rather than adding stress to your already-stressful plate. (And yes, that often — but not always! — starts with an actually-good partner.) Thanks so much to our friends at Monarch for sponsoring this series. Whether you’re single or coupled, Monarch makes it simple to stay completely on top of your goals while minimizing money stress. Click here to get 50% off your first year with code ‘TFD50’.

By Holly Trantham

I have frequently shared about Peter’s and my system for dividing up household management: instead of “taking turns,” we each fully own specific tasks. (This is very much inspired by Eve Rodsky’s Fair Play method, and we keep track of our task division in a spreadsheet, of course.) I don’t have to think about whether or not he’s going to restock our toilet paper and paper towels, and he doesn’t have to ask me when I’m going to get around to cleaning. 

Of course, from the outside, it looks very lopsided right now: Peter is taking care of almost everything while I am focused on the all-encompassing task of being pregnant. And that’s going to continue at least a little while postpartum, while I am recovering from labor and also trying to work out how to breastfeed, a task I’m not not dreading. But I know that, once we get settled into our new phase of life, the specific tasks we own are going to evolve as we raise a child together. But one thing we are both on the same page about is that I will not be the default parent. 

Mothers are automatically assumed to be the lead parent on so many things, and it is, imaginably, a recipe for resentment. Women initiate 70 percent of divorces in the U.S., and when you look at average time spent on housework, it’s easy to understand why. In hetero marriages, women almost always spend more time on housework than their husbands, regardless of whether they are the stay-at-home parent, the breadwinner, or earn the same amount as their husbands. The one exception is that, in marriages where the wife is the sole earner, the husband spends more time on housework on average — but the wife still does more housework than husbands in every other scenario. Of course men initiate divorces less often; who wants to give up all that unpaid labor?

To that end, I wanted to share all the household tasks I will not be doing as a new mom, and how grateful I am to have a husband who is actually entering into this phase with the mindset of an equal partner and parent. 

1. Changing diapers (at least at first). I don’t think I should have to do this while I, myself, will be wearing diapers, as well as spending most of my day resting and recovering in bed. And as I mentioned, since I am planning to breastfeed, we both know my main job for at least the early postpartum period will be feeding the baby. I’m sure this will even out eventually, but this is Peter’s job for the early days.

2. Our kid’s doctor’s and dentist appointments. Peter was in charge of researching and finding our pediatrician, and while I’m sure we will both go to her appointments for a while, he will be the go-to parent for her annual checkups. A few reasons for this: I don’t want to; we both know he is perfectly capable of retaining and relaying information from the doctor; and he already manages the cats’ vet visits, so this won’t be a huge adjustment.

3. Being default sick day coverage. I typically work from home more frequently, but that doesn’t make it easier for me to watch a sick kid during the workday. Since we both have flexibility and the option to work from home when we need to, it’s not fair to expect either one of us to always take on sick day duty, so we’ll be taking turns for this one.

4. Registering our child for life. Setting up a 529 and email account in her name, obtaining her social security card and birth certificate, etc. My virgo husband loves his paperwork: our taxes get done by February 1st every year. This was a no-brainer for him.

5. Diaper and formula inventory. Peter already manages restocking all of our other household products, so again, a no-brainer here.

6. Volunteering for every family event. Bake sales? Sign me up — I will happily make a few cakes and sheets of brownies, and I will plan them so carefully just for the sake of one or two compliments validating my efforts. Chaperoning future trips to the Natural History Museum with a bunch of toddlers? No thank you! I think it’s important for dads to participate in these things (even though they always get more credit for doing…the exact same things moms have always done), but also, I know Peter will find this much more enjoyable than me!

7. The majority of cooking. Peter has always done this in our household, so why would this change now?

8. Morning and evening routines. It is really hard to say what our rhythm will be, since we’ve never gone through this before. We will probably end up switching off days for these, since our schedules allow us a fair amount of flexibility with who is in charge of daycare dropoff/pickup. But I will certainly not be in charge of both!

The one thing I am undecided on is daycare communication: I resent that moms are always the default, but I also admit that, because I like to be the keeper of the family calendar and can be a little anxious, I probably would find myself preferring to speak to daycare staff directly if there is ever an issue. I don’t think I shouldn’t do something just because it is mom-coded, but I also don’t want to be stuck with responsibilities that I do end up resenting, so we’ll definitely stay open-minded about this.

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Note that I did not spend time listing out the things I will be doing here. Honestly, it feels like it should go without saying that I still do plenty, and I don’t feel the need to defend my egalitarian marriage. But when I’m not waddling through life ready to pop, I am the point person for a lot in our household: managing the budget, meal planning, regular and deep cleaning, prepping breakfasts and lunches, planning trips and family visits, planning most date nights and family outings, keeping us organized, updating the calendar, choreographing our quarterly and yearly cleanouts, etc., and there will certainly be more things added with the addition of a baby.

November 12th: LAST CHANCE!! Join Chelsea along with Financial Planner and friend of TFD, Kellen Thayer, THIS WEDNESDAY, for How To Put Your Money To Work! This will be an info-packed 90-minute immersive workshop to learn the must-know wealth-building techniques for after you have covered the basics. Chelsea and Kellen will cover everything from the basics of real estate, mastering investments beyond the 401k, side income, entrepreneurship, and so much more! Click here to register!

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As we discussed in our most recent video essay, it's basically never been harder to find quality clothes -- it feels like we're drowning in a sea of cheap nonsense, even from brands that used to be reliable investments. The delta between fast fashion and "mid range" has never felt smaller, and even within a given brand, the quality can vary hugely from piece to piece.

• Portland Leather Co tote.
  Whenever people ask me about where I'm getting good leather products, I always come back to Portland Leather Co. Not only is their stuff super high-quality, the price point is amazing for what you get, and their business model and mission is one I really respect!

• COS funnel neck sweater.
  I absolutely love this sweater, and even though it is damn near $400, I find that the quality, feel, and durability of it makes it absolutely worth that price point. I also always wear it with a thermal underneath, so I have to wash it much less frequently (taking proper care of delicate items means handwashing and laying out to dry at minimum, so the more I can delay that the better)!

For Chelsea’s FULL list of fall/winter wardrobe items worth investing in, become a Society Premium member now!

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