The Good Husband Guide: 5 Rules We Follow So We Never Fight About Money

September 22, 2025

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By Holly Trantham

Welcome to The Good Husband Guide: a new series dedicated to building a marriage or romantic partnership that actually improves your life, rather than adding stress to your already-stressful plate. (And yes, that often — but not always! — starts with an actually-good husband.) Thanks so much to our friends at Monarch for sponsoring this series. Whether you’re single or coupled, Monarch makes it simple to stay completely on top of your goals while minimizing money stress. Click here to get 50% off your first year with code ‘TFD50’.

This November marks six years of marriage for Peter and me, and nearly a decade of being in a committed relationship. As I am writing this in early September, we are (at most) a week or two out from welcoming a new baby. (I’m probably away on maternity leave at this very moment!) Now, no relationship is ever perfect, and who knows what this next chapter is going to throw at us. But as I am writing this, I am confident in saying that I don’t think I could be in a better position to enter into this new phase of life, at least when it comes to who I’ve chosen as my partner. 

One of the biggest reasons for this: we don’t fight about money. Yes, we have our little disagreements or frustrations here and there (what do you mean, our electric bill was over $600 thanks to running the AC?), and we’ve certainly had to make a lot of daunting decisions about our near-future finances as we start to navigate the expenses of childcare and feeding and taking care of another human being. But we are never stuck in a place of resentment towards the other person over money. 

Part of this, of course, is having a steady household income and being able to live well below our means — I would never downplay the impact of financial stability, let alone being able to afford plenty of life’s luxuries. But there are plenty of people who earn as much as we do (or even much more!) who still end up stuck in a paycheck-to-paycheck cycle, or buried under a bunch of avoidable debt, for whom money is still a giant sticking point in their relationship. I don’t think our money rules would work for everyone by any means; I have friends who heavily prefer keeping their finances completely separate from their spouses, for instance. But these are the rules that have worked for us so far in our marriage, and even with everything that’s going to change, I feel like they’ll stay consistent. (But who knows — I’ll be sure to check back in with you all next year!)

1. We have a shared vision for our future.

And we talked about it before getting married. We had a lot of conversations about when and how we wanted to retire, what financial and personal goals we wanted to prioritize, and we let those inform how and how much we contribute to each one. That doesn’t mean that those visions or expectations have not shifted over the course of our marriage — they certainly have, especially now that we’re preparing for a kid. But staying consistently on top of our long-term goals remains our biggest priority besides our child’s wellbeing, because neither of us wants to live a life dependent on income from job forever.

2. We combine our finances, but each gets an “allowance” that is fully our own. 

Essentially, all of our income goes into the same shared pot, and then we each get the same amount in a “personal allowance” out of the monthly budget. Because even though we have different salaries, it’s not because one of us works harder than the other one. Giving ourselves the same allowance means neither of us is ever resentful of the other’s spending decisions, because both have the same amount to spend.

Now I will say, a huge part of this is we both view our income as ours rather than mine versus his. Speaking purely personally, I don’t think I see the point of signing a marriage contract if you don’t view (at least some of) your finances as a shared team effort. I didn’t have to fight Peter about this — we were inherently compatible about what we thought a marriage should look like, financially speaking. And that showed up even before we got married, because when our finances were not yet combined, we still embraced a team mindset. We never split things 50-50, instead opting to pay a percentage of rent and household bills proportionate to our income. That way, when we did get married and actually combined our finances, it did not feel like such a drastic change; the total amount we each contributed to the household remained basically the same.

3. We outsource more complicated financial tasks. 

Most recently, this has included formalizing our estate planning before we have a child. In the past, when we were deciding what to do with our medium-term savings for our home down payment fund (which has since morphed into a potentially-retire-early fund), we consulted a financial planner to help us figure out what to do with that money. Right now, we’re in the middle of making a lot of big financial decisions and opening new accounts, including a 529 for our daughter (once she arrives and exists in the eyes of social security). Once we get more settled into parenthood and see how our finances are impacted for the long-term, we’ll definitely be working more consistently with a financial advisor. Now that we are above a certain income level and have shifting life priorities, getting input and planning from an expert will be very welcome. (I have to give a quick shoutout to our partners at Advisor, a fee-only service that makes financial planning a lot more accessible — click here to take their quiz and get $500 off your first year when you sign up through TFD.)

4. We keep our budget conservative compared to our income.

We avoid the lifestyle inflation that plagues so many people because we simply don’t scale up our lifestyle when our income increases. For instance, we have stayed in the same rent-stabilized apartment for the last five years, with no plans to move, even though our gross income means we could technically “afford” to pay twice as much for a newer apartment in a doorman building. But the tradeoffs (having less to put away in investments and spend on things like vacations) would not be worth it, especially because we are perfectly content in our current place.

We also “pay ourselves first” for all of our long- and short-term money goals. This means retirement contributions, other investments, and sinking fund savings come out of our paychecks via direct deposit before that money hits our checking account — so we never see any of that money as “available” to spend. We recently switched to using Monarch for keeping track of our money and competing goals, and I really love the dashboard for getting a bird’s eye view of our net worth and big-picture finances. 

5. We talk about money all the time.

Finally, we are both constantly on top of our financial situation. Not in a stressful way, but checking in with our accounts and updating our spreadsheets (or the budgeting app, as we’re doing now) is just a part of our everyday routine. To reiterate, I think this is a lot easier when you aren’t financially overburdened to begin with. But by both feeling an equal weight of responsibility to stick to our budget and stay on top of our goals, it means we are also both proactive about communicating with the other person when we hit a snag in the road. For instance, when one of us realizes we forgot to account for a big upcoming annual expense, we proactively bring it up so we can make a plan for where the money is coming from — and then set a recurring calendar reminder for the years ahead so we don’t forget about it again.

*****

I do think I lucked out when it came to financial compatibility. Peter definitely used to be a bigger spender than I was, but that didn’t mean he didn’t share the same values — we just had to work out a system that felt fair to both of us. Whether you are married or just moving in with a partner, or planning to combine your money or keep totally separate finances, the aim is to open the lines of communication and make sure whatever system you settle on actually works for the both of you. 

TONIGHT! Join us for our September Society workshop, How To Learn Anything! In today’s world, where AI and new tech seem to reshape jobs overnight, it’s easy to feel like you’re falling behind. But you don’t need another degree or a huge budget to keep up. You can take charge of your own professional development — and actually make it work for your life. In this workshop, career coach Danielle Nicholson will show you how to design your own learning plan (using the same strategies college professors use to build their courses) so you can grow your skills without burning out or wasting time. Whether you’re exploring a new career path, trying to stay competitive in your current field, or just curious about learning something new, this session will give you the tools to move forward with confidence. Register here.

September 24th: Join us for our next FREE masterclass, Rewiring Your Money Brain! There are a lot of misconceptions surrounding what makes someone good with money, and it’s especially confusing when you’re just starting out in the real world. In this workshop, we’ll tackle the biggest myths surrounding credit and budgeting, share our best practices for how to start investing strategically, and how to actually start thinking long-term (without sabotaging your life in the short term). Join us in partnership with Fizz to get a better handle on your money. Replay available if you can’t join live but you must register ahead of time! Click here to join!

October 16th: Join us for The Art Of Being An Adult hosted by Chelsea! In this FREE workshop to celebrate her upcoming book, Having People Over, Chelsea will deep dive into many of the more underrated aspects of growing into yourself as a well-rounded adult. She’ll cover the basics you need to start hosting more regularly, the rules for creating a beautiful, personal, and functional home on a budget, how to create and live by a well-balance calendar, and more! You’ll also receive a free bonus workbook and exclusive content from the book. Register here.

November 12th: Wealth-building workshop alert! Join Chelsea along with Financial Planner and friend of TFD, Kellen Thayer, for How To Put Your Money To Work! This will be an info-packed 90-minute immersive workshop to learn the must-know wealth-building techniques for after you have covered the basics. Chelsea and Kellen will cover everything from the basics of real estate, mastering investments beyond the 401k, side income, entrepreneurship, and so much more! Click here to register!

1) I am once again obsessed with a book series. If you’ve been following my recommendations closely, you’ll remember that a few months back I had, essentially, become my friends’ dealer for the insatiable drug that is the Sarah J. Maas universe. Think all things: Throne of Glass,  ACOTAR, and Crescent City. Later, this also included Rebecca Yarros’ Empyrean series. 

Well, I’ve moved onto greener pastures now and have developed a new obsession for which I blame my dear friend Lizzie. I’d turned her into a book reading fiend and her new fix was Red Rising by Pierce Brown–a two arc, 6 book (soon to be 7) sci-fi/fantasy series very much giving Hunger Games meets Star Wars. After one call, several DMs, and 3 all-caps texts… I couldn’t resist Lizzie’s claws and have since taken on the challenge. 

I am here to report that I have now also become a Red Rising stan. Book 1 was completed in 2 days and book 2 took 3 days. I’m taking a little breather before starting book 3 so I can read our Society members’ book club pick of the month Why Women Have Better Sex Under Socialism  (I shall report back on that). But, for now, I cannot recommend Red Rising enough, especially given our political climate, America’s obsession with class, and that this one featured an MMC that’s actuallyyyyy not misogynistically toxic (love that) . This one’s a must-read!

2) In the spirit of doing things that scare me, I’ve also signed up to host 2 dinners for 8 strangers in my home. Yes, you’ve read that correctly. 8 strangers. My house. LOL, I’m already stressed. 

A little over a year ago, I met this guy with a poster board in Dupont Circle (I live in DC…yes, please pray for me) asking for people to write down their names and numbers so he could have them over for dinner that night. I thought he was crazy so I kept it pushin’. Months later, my feed became inundated with dinner party content and I recognized his face in one of them. Turns out, he and his older brother owned this really cool business called  Blind8 Project. Long story short, I ended up befriending Alessandro, attending one of his dinners here in DC and one of his brother’s in NYC and became hooked by the concept. The people at both dinners ranged in age, gender, economic status, ethnicity… all of it! We could not have been more diverse a group. But the glue between us was the same. We  were all there to get out of our comfort zones and make new friends! Both times, it felt like I was meeting up with old college buddies I’d missed and so longed to reconnect with. Since then, we’ve all stayed in touch and even go on random side quests from time to time together! 

So, the opportunity has come up for me now to host my very own Blind8 dinner and I could not be more excited. I’m redesigning my space, diligently following Chelsea’s Having People Over series on our socials, chatting with Alessandro (the DC-based Blind8 brother), and am forcing my bestie, Michael “the Chef” Chung, to help me come up with a menu. It’s going to be fabulous!!

The recommendation here: commit to doing one act of social bravery this week and let the universe surprise you! If I hadn’t opted into experiencing the brief discomfort of an evening with 7 strangers, I would never have come across this incredible community I feel so proud to be a part of. 

Xx,

Alexa Claire

^{While this section includes products and services from our paid partners, we only feature brands we genuinely like and use—and think you would, too.}

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BUDGETING — Monarch: Our recommended Mint replacement! As we already shared in the main section of this newsletter, we highly recommend using Monarch to take the guesswork out of managing your money — use it to budget, set goals, and actually understand where your money’s going. Even better: there’s no ads, no selling your financial data to third parties, and no "premium only" upsells — just a clean, secure app that makes managing money feel way less overwhelming (and actually kinda fun?).

The Society at TFD is our members-only community with access available on both YouTube and Patreon. Joining The Society is the best way to directly support TFD! The Society offers the exact same things on both platforms, so choose whichever one you prefer!

We offer 3 tier options:

The Society at TFD Lite: $2.99/month

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