Opting Out of Forced Holiday Cheer This Year (And Why That’s Okay)

12/8/25

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By Skylar Hunyadi

Every holiday season, I’m reminded of how fortunate I am to be a therapeutic support for people during this tender stretch of the year. While you might assume our schedules slow down with all the travel and family commitments, it’s actually the opposite. In my experience, there’s an uptick in people seeking therapy because, frankly, this season can do a number on one’s mental health--seasonal depression, the first holiday without a loved one, relationship tension, money stress, the pressure to “do it right.” It can be a season of putting on a good show. 

I see so many metaphorical masks come off in my office as people shift from forced holiday cheer to what’s actually happening inside. It takes an enormous amount of energy to abide by the unspoken expectation to maintain enthusiasm for all things family and festivity.

The societal script for the holidays is everywhere in our culture. Curated Christmas decor and picture-perfect family gatherings flood our feeds. Holiday spirit is something of an expectation, and if you don’t partake with a smile, you’re harshing the holiday vibes and risking social consequences. For many, the way we practice the holidays becomes a form of emotional labor--masking how we really feel for the sake of being polite.

The cost of engaging in this performative cheer depends entirely on where you’re at emotionally and mentally. In its extreme, faking festiveness can lead to going on autopilot, a kind of emotional survival mode that gets us through the season but doesn’t allow us to truly be present. Being in this state too long risks disconnecting from both ourselves and the people around us. And on a financial note, the pressure to participate in the holidays can cost us, leading to overspending on gifts or holiday experiences. 

If you genuinely enjoy this time of year, that’s totally acceptable. Struggling or not, sometimes leaning into the season serves as an effective distraction. Wherever you’re at right now, I invite you to be flexible with the definition of holiday joy this year. Joy doesn’t have to be public or highly social. It can be quieter, more personal, like a cozy night in or a simple ritual. Let this season be intentional rather than obligatory. And to be clear: opting out of performative holiday cheer is a proactive (and valid) form of self care.

If you need a push, here’s where to start:

1. Implement baby-boundaries: More formally called “micro-boundaries,” these are small, practical limits to safeguard your mental health. These micro-boundaries could look like arriving later to an event or skipping a small tradition. Something bigger, such as boycotting a family gathering entirely, may feel too daunting or guilt-inducing. Starting small allows you to protect your energy without derailing the season.

2. Build in moments for recovery: Between events, schedule buffer time to decompress and reset for the next item on your social calendar. For me, this looks like low-to-no social obligations and having some constructive couch-rotting time. Maybe this is when you restock the fridge or clean your home, so when all is said and done, you have a fresh space to return to.

3. Keep in touch with your safe people: Who can you “take the mask off” around, the loved ones who don’t need a show? Keep these people on the proverbial speed dial as an outlet for emotional support.

4. Give yourself permission to be a little half-assed: Really, this just means accepting your limits and showing up authentically. This might sound like, “I'm at this gathering, and it's okay to be quieter than usual,” or “This family member triggers me, so I’m going to keep a healthy distance this year.” Essentially, give yourself a pass to show up and not give 100%.

5. Limit access to performative spaces: Cut off the temptation to perform at the source. Decrease your social media usage and/or bow out from extraneous social traditions that you don’t feel you have the energy for. Replace this time with more values-aligned activities. 

*****

A gentle warning: choosing authenticity during the holidays, especially when it means stepping outside long-held traditions, may stir up extra stress. People may expect explanations. Old guilt may come up. This is the emotional tax of honoring yourself.

And… It’s still worth doing. But do so with care. Communicate where you can, check in with your supports, and give yourself permission to do the holidays differently this year. 

What would it look like to embrace this more mindful mindset? What might this holiday season look like if it truly honored your emotional reality?

For more from Sky, join her on Substack! Subscribe here to receive her personal essays right to your inbox. Here's her latest post. This newsletter is a cozy corner of self care, reflections, and other small pleasures. All are welcome <3

Skylar is a licensed clinical mental health counselor who talks about self-care as the foundation of a prosperous life. She has a deep love for yoga, vegetarian cooking, and religiously organizing her Google calendar. Follow her on Instagram for more self-care and mental health content or on LinkedIn for the more ~professional~ stuff.

It’s been awhile since we shared any recs, so we’ve gathered a list of what the team is currently watching. If you have some free time over the next few weeks, here’s a short list to help keep you entertained:

Before there was Gossip Girl, there was Metropolitan [HBO]. Loosely based on Mansfield Park by Jane Austen, this film follows a group of bored teenage New York socialites during the winter debutant ball season. Worth a watch for the costuming and set design alone but also as an enduring class satire that remains sadly relevant nearly 40 years later. — Jane

I am all in for Heated Rivalry on HBO. I saw Evan Ross Katz dedicate a few posts to the show on Instagram, and am generally aligned with his taste, so I gave it a try and turns out I’m totally into it. Enemies to lovers hot hockey player smut. Truly, what could be better? — Rachel

I can't recommend The Parisian Agency [Netflix] enough for people who love real estate porn but find a lot of the Selling Sunset-type shows over the top (and honestly not that aspirational)! This show follows a family in the suburbs of Paris who run a luxury real estate agency, mostly centered in France but now operating around the world. There's a bit of family stuff mixed in, but it's mostly drama-free and focused on the actual business, which represents some of the most beautiful properties these eyes have ever seen. — Chelsea

Whether you're into international TV shows or not, if you appreciate the drama genre, then Netflix's Beyond the Bar is the show for you. It's 15, 1-hr episodes of elite storytelling featuring a slow burn romance and profound character building. Since the show's premise is based within a law firm, we're delighted each episode with a new case–with each one being more philosophically interesting than the next (so, definitely worth having your friends over for a watch and discussion if you've been looking for a way to chase the winter blues away and gather with your gals). The underlying slow burn romance is "kick your feet and giggle" good. Also featuring some insane office politics, this K-Drama is a must watch for those of you searching for a new thought-provoking show to get your gears turning. — Alexa

My recommendation is Eight Legged Freaks! I’ve recently been trying to watch some cult classics that I somehow missed, and this one was super fun. It’s a comedy horror about mutant spiders taking over an Arizona mining town, featuring David Arquette and Scarlett Johansson. I watched it on dvd but it looks like you can rent it on Prime Video! — Heather

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